Somehow, i hope that no one is reading my livejournal anymore..
I'm ver upset, confused and stressed...
My life is so screwed now.. i feel so screwed mentally..
I've been trying to be strong ever since the last time we fight, i'm always happy, smiling, bubbly so that everyone around me will have an easier time..
But i'm really suffocating, i feel so depressed.. The only way i can feel better is to eat..
But recently, i started to binge.. Eventually i binge and purge.
I want to stop this, i'm really scared..
But i really donno who to turn to.. i'm scared and lost..
Will i end up being a bulimic? 
I don't want that..

I've been numbing myself by working and working and working..
I dont know if this is the right way, but i've no other way out..
I'm mentally shag, i feel that i can't hold on anymore.. But who's there for me? :( 

This post is for bethany! :)

Hi dear,
How are you? Hope you're doing great now ok? :)

Remember how we used to go everywhere together?! Can't forget the memories where we play basketball, go your place and slack, go out for movies and more.. We meet almost everyday! But since Sec 4, i feel that we've drifted alot.. I guess it's because of studies plus some misunderstanding.. Though the misunderstanding is cleared, but i guess it's still hard to be like last time.

But nevertheless, i'm very thankful to you being there for me everytime i need you during Sec3. I remembered i broke up with TZ and was very emo and all.. But you didn't give up on me, instead you accompany me every single day so that i won't be so upset.. You're really a very nice friend:) thanks a million, billion! Can never forget how we laughed, have fun, cried, sweat... It's all in my memories!! 

I guess it's not very possible for us to be like how we used to be.. But i just wanna let you know i'm very thankful to have you as my friend! Really.. You're one of a kind! :D May god bless you in everything you do! :) Take care lovely..

With love,
DoreenG.

Hello peeps!

Looking back at the post i used to write.. It looks stupid, bitchy, everything but sensible!
hahahah, i used to be upset over tengzhou choosing me over his friends and family.
While that's such a bitch act!!! 

I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!! HAHAHAH.
Now that i really let him do whatever he wants, i feel like i'm relieve!! hahaha, but i've no idea why he's not really spending time with themmm.. Well.. hahahaha
i'm spending less and less time with tengzhou nowadays. I feel that we're friends.. Are we?

I feel stupid being EMO and all in the past just because i want his attention.
Such a attention seeker freak! hahaha, i'm so dumb, seriously.
I can't accept the fact that 'he don't wanna spend 1 hour with me just because he want to stay home!' hahaha
now i'm doing that..

I really thinks that what comes around goes around..
I've changed so much that i no longer rely on him, i can handle things myself.
I'm glad that i've changed! hahaha

No more emo post like last time!! hahahahhaha!

blah blah blah! wen out with these people during the hols! :D

I'M HERE TO COMPLAIN!!
so if you don't wish to listen, you can go off now! :D

trainings is killing me!! work is killing me too!!
i'm so so so busy, that i hardly have time for my friends and family :(
boyfriend is under both! so i'm having a hard time :(

now, i'm struggling w whether to quit db or not. i'm really drained off.
i hope i can pull through, but it's really freaky hard.
and i'm not happy in the team afterall ): so i'm really lost. i don't knw what to do. my passion died, and i can't manage my time properly.
i think there's no doubt that i'm going to quit after sava race. & i hope i can quit. i always don't dare to quit, and ended up staying through the whole thing. This is me ):

My training programmes is like shit.
Monday - land training
Wednesday - sea, run, static and sea again.
Thursday - sea, land.
Sat - sea, run static
Sun - sea, run, static, and sea again.
EVERY SINGLE DAY, i reach home at 3 4 plus! wth right!!!
and my work starts at 630-645
how am i going to have time for my boyfriend? not to say my friends and family. i'm feeling so bad to let my bf always give in to my time, so that he could spent that 1-2 hours with me ):
But my bf didn't complain at all ): i'm very touched, really :) he always support me in whatever i do.. but i really hope to spend more time with him. i want him to be happy with me! :(

i've so many things to rant!!
& this is the first update during my HOLIDAYS.
WHAT KIND OF HOLS IS THIS!
i'm so freaking stressed up ): i hate trainings!!!!

okay, on a lighter side,
i went to catch few movies recently.. i'm so sad that i onl caught a few. wished i could watch more.. anyway, yeah. i watch proposal and ugly truth! oh yeah! and i love you beth cooper :D heehee. proposal is nice, the other two is just funny. not really good :S
and i really forget what i've done! too much trainings.
I'm suffocating!
ok, i'm done! sorry for my ranting :(


Darling, this is for you!
thank you for standing by me this month :) really, i feel so glad that you're not against me :( if not i can't imagine how i pull through this period.. dear, i hope you'll be happy with me :) really! i really hope.. and i hope the routine is not coming back!! i'll go over to your place soon. I promise! i'm sorry dear :( i still love you very very much.. :)

Meat!
thanks for your work recommendation! :D heehee, really :) i need this job which fits to my trainings scheldue! i'm really thankful to you :) we always work together! i hope we can when we grown up! heehee :D:D thanks<3

Wen!
i'm so sorry that we didn't manage to go for a swim this hols!!!! zomg, but i promise you if i quit db, next hols we go swim swim ok!! :D heehee, hope to meet up with you more often!! :D:D:D see ya sooooon! <3  (i wanted to put white for your name, but you can't see it after i put, so i put xiao ding dang colour :D)

Okay, that's all.

be true to yourself, if you can't put your heart in it, get out of it.

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HIHI!! 
I'M A HAPPY GIRL NOW BECAUSE I'M SLACKING AWAY :D
BUT I'M A SAD GIRL BECAUSE MY EXAMS AREN'T OVER! :(

anyway, i'm going off now! heehee, random

I MISS TAYWENLIN BEEN AGES SEEN I MEET UP WITH HER.

Dear dairy,
I'm feeling very moody now.
Feeling lost, helpless.
Hoping that my boyfriend will suddenly treat me like how he used to..
He don't use to scold me when i comment about his hair..
He don't used to ignore me when i cried..
Things are really different now.. but i can't bear to leave him..
I know if we break up, we're not getting back ever again..
Thus, i'm going to cry myself to sleep, hoping that i'll wake up each day with a smile on my face..
Boyfriend, as much as i love you.. You're starting to be the one that i don't recognise..
Your tone is never like this..
Your attitude is never like this..
Is friends really so important? To you, yes..
Is family really so important? To you, yes..
Am i important..? Not as much compared to them.. i donno what i should do right now..
I kept crying and crying..
But my baby just don't care about me.. Not anymore...
i feel the desperation to die, to get his attention, but there's no way i'm going to do it.. helpless..
I wish we were love birds that are blinded by love....