blah blah blah! wen out with these people during the hols! :D

I'M HERE TO COMPLAIN!!
so if you don't wish to listen, you can go off now! :D

trainings is killing me!! work is killing me too!!
i'm so so so busy, that i hardly have time for my friends and family :(
boyfriend is under both! so i'm having a hard time :(

now, i'm struggling w whether to quit db or not. i'm really drained off.
i hope i can pull through, but it's really freaky hard.
and i'm not happy in the team afterall ): so i'm really lost. i don't knw what to do. my passion died, and i can't manage my time properly.
i think there's no doubt that i'm going to quit after sava race. & i hope i can quit. i always don't dare to quit, and ended up staying through the whole thing. This is me ):

My training programmes is like shit.
Monday - land training
Wednesday - sea, run, static and sea again.
Thursday - sea, land.
Sat - sea, run static
Sun - sea, run, static, and sea again.
EVERY SINGLE DAY, i reach home at 3 4 plus! wth right!!!
and my work starts at 630-645
how am i going to have time for my boyfriend? not to say my friends and family. i'm feeling so bad to let my bf always give in to my time, so that he could spent that 1-2 hours with me ):
But my bf didn't complain at all ): i'm very touched, really :) he always support me in whatever i do.. but i really hope to spend more time with him. i want him to be happy with me! :(

i've so many things to rant!!
& this is the first update during my HOLIDAYS.
WHAT KIND OF HOLS IS THIS!
i'm so freaking stressed up ): i hate trainings!!!!

okay, on a lighter side,
i went to catch few movies recently.. i'm so sad that i onl caught a few. wished i could watch more.. anyway, yeah. i watch proposal and ugly truth! oh yeah! and i love you beth cooper :D heehee. proposal is nice, the other two is just funny. not really good :S
and i really forget what i've done! too much trainings.
I'm suffocating!
ok, i'm done! sorry for my ranting :(


Darling, this is for you!
thank you for standing by me this month :) really, i feel so glad that you're not against me :( if not i can't imagine how i pull through this period.. dear, i hope you'll be happy with me :) really! i really hope.. and i hope the routine is not coming back!! i'll go over to your place soon. I promise! i'm sorry dear :( i still love you very very much.. :)

Meat!
thanks for your work recommendation! :D heehee, really :) i need this job which fits to my trainings scheldue! i'm really thankful to you :) we always work together! i hope we can when we grown up! heehee :D:D thanks<3

Wen!
i'm so sorry that we didn't manage to go for a swim this hols!!!! zomg, but i promise you if i quit db, next hols we go swim swim ok!! :D heehee, hope to meet up with you more often!! :D:D:D see ya sooooon! <3  (i wanted to put white for your name, but you can't see it after i put, so i put xiao ding dang colour :D)

Okay, that's all.

be true to yourself, if you can't put your heart in it, get out of it.

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HIHI!! 
I'M A HAPPY GIRL NOW BECAUSE I'M SLACKING AWAY :D
BUT I'M A SAD GIRL BECAUSE MY EXAMS AREN'T OVER! :(

anyway, i'm going off now! heehee, random

I MISS TAYWENLIN BEEN AGES SEEN I MEET UP WITH HER.

Dear dairy,
I'm feeling very moody now.
Feeling lost, helpless.
Hoping that my boyfriend will suddenly treat me like how he used to..
He don't use to scold me when i comment about his hair..
He don't used to ignore me when i cried..
Things are really different now.. but i can't bear to leave him..
I know if we break up, we're not getting back ever again..
Thus, i'm going to cry myself to sleep, hoping that i'll wake up each day with a smile on my face..
Boyfriend, as much as i love you.. You're starting to be the one that i don't recognise..
Your tone is never like this..
Your attitude is never like this..
Is friends really so important? To you, yes..
Is family really so important? To you, yes..
Am i important..? Not as much compared to them.. i donno what i should do right now..
I kept crying and crying..
But my baby just don't care about me.. Not anymore...
i feel the desperation to die, to get his attention, but there's no way i'm going to do it.. helpless..
I wish we were love birds that are blinded by love....

Things is picking up when i don't care it.. So, i guess i can only heck it. But i'm having a fear... Am i going through love?

i'm suppose to decide between him(along with his friends, family and religion) or breakup..
Both decisions hurt me like shit.. I'm going to hold on till i can't...
But everyday, i just kept crying crying...
Self injury is never good for health...

I feel so far away from my boy...
When will he ever know..?

So, i can accept everything now. heh :D
hope to be a happy girl!
I didn't meet Tengzhou for so many days already! he's so busy! hahaaa, so i shall wait wait wait and wait~ 
Smile doreen, you're a strong girl, heheee, no more tears in front of parents! SMILE BROADLY :D

I need someone, i need a shoulder to lie on, i need some space, i need my boy, i need all my fun loving friends, i need to be alone, i need to be happy, i want to be myself.
I'm so suffocated, ever since our new life started, i don't feel loved, yes, i miss you more than anything else.
But i'm feeling neglected, ignored, and unconcerned.
I feel so xin ku. I can't tell my friends about my boy.
Because it's my relationship problems, i dont think i need to drag anyone to suffer with me. Plus, they have their own problems.
So, i'm left with him and myself, i can't possibly tell him how i feel, so i just keep it to myself. I'm feeling horrible, really.
crying to sleep everyday is not good for health. Smiling happily at everyone else when i'm not happy is not good for health.
I'm really very suffocated, i need someone. But i don't feel him anywhere near....
I want some private time with my boy.
We used to meet everyday at my place, then we will spend some time having heart-to-heart chat sessions.. But as time goes by, he will just come to my house and sleep. No more heart to heart session. When we're out on streets, it's almost impossible to get any heart to heart talk.
At his place, his brothers will just come in and out of the room, and all the ground rules make us not able to have any privacy.
I'm very xing ku, i just want some time alone with him, chatting, sharing all my unhappiness.
But it just dont seems the way..
Crying everyday is not something i enjoyed.. it's something that i can't choose..

Okay, life's been rocky for me this vacation..
I'm having my MST after vacation, I'm having trainings five times a week, i'm having relationship downfall, having so many projects on hand.
I think i'm breaking down soon.
But i have to hold it there, because i've got no choice! 
But i'm recovering from my relationship downfall, i'm having race tmr (sunday), i'm going to study with meat again! :D
This is all my happy times. Of course, i love going out with bell! 
I want to study with meat more more more days, i felt like my tears is swelling when we parted today :( i really missed her so much...
Sigh, you guys won't understand! 
Anyway, i'm stepping into a new life.. hope i works well for me!
Once again, i love all my friends (BBF&wood)
Muacks!

i miss my  baby.. but we're not chatting ):

i feel so good having my best friends with me..
I miss them so so much, seriously!
Met wen wen last sunday, for swimming :D
Really miss her so much okay! Caught up with her and found out lots of stuffs! <3 wennnn must be open okay! :P hehe
I miss meat too!
And i went with her to queensway someday after school with potato to get our sports wear!
really miss her noise :( oops, should be voice :P
heheee
Today, i almost fainted again ):
Poor me, but i'm glad that i've my baby, potato and meat with me :D
They accompany me and was so scared that i'll faint..
Thanks guys! i really appreciated it okay :)
I really miss my besties! Let's go out soon okayyyy?? :(
Wei, meat, wen, bear and zh :D
Vacation must go out ah!! <3 if you hadn't forget me :(
Anyway, i needa rest now :D

Ps, i miss my badminton mates ): but i doubt they miss me.. Awww, i'm sad ):

I'm very tired right now.. Very sleepy!
So i'm going to sleep soon. 
But i want to say that i'm glad to have my boy, a very sweet and nice guy :D
Thank you baby! Goodnight <3

This is what i've been doing this weeeksss :s i'm really lazy to upload moreeee.
Though i've alot more :P
Hahahaaa, i'm a happy but stress girl now.
But i'm happy! because my boy is always with me ^^
Loveya baby! *just now so malu can! :P but it's okay, you're going to piggy back me for your entire life :P 

I miss wen and meat :( can we go swim and can we go out soon? :D
Meattttttt, ^^
see you people~ :D

Humans!!

It's been super long since i blogged. 
I'm quite a happy girl now :D
But i'm sad too.
Yesterday, i went out with my darling to kbox. And i realised i come red, so i went to buy pad after singing.
Singing was fun yesterday! Really ^^
Anyway, so i decided to head to Tampines 1 because i want to shop!
Darling warned me not to go, due to my mens, but i told him don't stop me or else i'll moodswing...
And we went to Tampines 1..
I went to a shop ' Net ' and i tried a shirt! it's super nice! :D
And i asked darling to try on one of the shirt too :D
But when darling is changing, i feel that i'm fainting.
I know that i'm fainting because i fainted 2/3 times due to this woman problem already! :(
Thus, once darling came out, i told him i'm fainting.
But he thought that i'm only feeling giddy, thus he ask me to go out and hail a cab.
But i fainted on the floor.. And after a long struggle, i gave up.
And darling, carried me out of Tampines 1.
Wanted to hail a cab, but i couldn't move at all.. So i lied flat on the ground outside tampines 1.
And the security guard came and chase me away!!! Because he told that me and darling is hugging or kissing there! :(
But darling explained that i'm not feeling well and the security guard left soon after..
But darling saw me struggling in pain, he asked another security guard to call ambulance!
I was shocked when i heard that... What's lucky was, the security guard need the particulars, and when she headed back to us, i told her to cancel the ambulance..
But honey insist that i should go to some clinic nearby, and i was pushed up to the third floor in the wheelchair!!
So many eyes falls on me :( i'm so paiseh can! Then after that, brother and asih came :D
We headed home after that!
Darling did not went to class because of me :( Sorry baby :( & thanks for taking care of me! 
I bet i scared you :( But i'm thankful that you're with me! Thanks baby :D:D

& i have nothing to post already! :P
Byeeee

P.s  I miss Wen, Meat, Chew, and Bear :(

I'm being challenged, on something that i've no confident in..
Something that i was once thrashed.
I know i'm ganna lose again this time round, because i can feel the change already..
I heard what was never said, i felt what was never felt, i feel different..
Because the fact is, it is different..

Guys, i hated someone.
I don't know why i hate her so much, i want to win her in every aspect.
Regardless of looks, figure, education, and tons of other stuffs, i want to win her.
Why? Because i lost to her something before..
And He is the most important human being in my life ever.
He left me, and went to her.. All because of her sow discord.
I hate her so much that i want to slap her everytime i see her, but now..
I realised i dont need to compete with her anymore, why?
Because i dont feel the need to torture myself..
By hating her, i'm making myself miserable, so what's the point right?
Since i already have the love of my life, i'm willing to let the hatred go.
But i'm pretty sure that if i screwed this relationship up, i'll never trust love again..
darling, i really love you alot.. Please dont repeat your mistake okay? :) I love you darling!